Chateau Bleu
by AccidentalNaps
Summary: Silly one shot. Basically this is how I amused myself at work this evening. B/E. Set the night before the Wedding.


**In case you ever wondered, this is how I pass the time at work. It harmlessly jumped into my head and came home with me. So its only fair I inflict it on you :). Its silly.**

* * *

Going out for a meal was something that I had come to dread. Not because I don't eat, or because I am in a public enclosed building stuffed with breathing humans full of blood, but because the staff are either inappropriate about me, or Bella, or – as I remember one waitress in a French restaurant in Seattle - both of us. I have accepted that my lot in life includes having to tune things out, but tuning out someone's inane conversation is far simpler than say, a woman imagining what you look like naked. It's distracting, to say the least. Luckily I have desensitised myself to it, so I can look them in the face after their version of me has had its wicked way behind their eyelids. But Bella was stressed about the wedding, and I wanted to do something with her to relax her. Something where she didn't have to worry about centre pieces, or veils, where there was no Alice, or Esme, or Renee, or Rosalie, where we could be Edward and Bella one final time, before we became Mr and Mrs Cullen.

I had chosen the restaurant, and for the first time, Bella had chosen her clothes. Taking into account the fact that Alice would be playing Barbie with her from the moment she opened her eyes tomorrow, she allowed her this privilege. Even though she wasn't wearing one of Alice's many purchases, she looked stunning. The button down blue shirt, the black skirt, and the converses were so perfectly _Bella_, I couldn't stop my eyes taking in every inch of her as I held the door open for her. She turned as she reached the table covered in menu's and blushed beautifully at me when she realised what I was doing. I smiled at her and joined her, taking her hand in mine and kissing it gently.

"You look incredible tonight Bella." I breathed.

The sound of her heart against her ribcage elated me; five words from my lips did that to her. I had just intensified the blush on her face, I was the reason her heart was throwing itself at its ribcage. And I loved it.

"You look okay." She teased, with a shrug. Her pulse was still a little high, but she had managed to control it.

I laughed, and squeezed her hand, preparing myself for the extensive blocking I would be doing for the rest of the night. A waitress smiled at us and walked over to the table. I distinctly heard the words '_Sweet Jesus!" _before her thoughts descended into the gutter. Externally, she was the picture of good service.

"Good evening. Is it a table for two?"

I nodded, "I booked a table under the name of Cullen." I explained, with a miniscule smile. I was going to do everything in my power to avoid having to picture anyone's sexual fantasies bar my own, so accidental dazzling was a definite no-no.

Lady Muck scanned the list in front of her and ticked smartly by a name. "No problem, if you would like to follow me."

We were led through the restaurant to a cramped table, and as we followed, I used the dirty minded girl to find the _cleanest_ place to sit.

_Oh yes, in my section we go beautiful man-who-is-far-too-attractive-for-his-under-dressed-girlfriend. Don't even glare at me Annie, you want the sexy customers? You go to the desk and get them once in a freaking while. Ha, good thing Sarah didn't get her claws into this one; she wouldn't know how to use a good opportunity like this to get laid. It was fate, he came to me. And they can all watch me take what is mine._

I could barely manage to keep walking. My grip tightened on Bella's hand and we stopped in front of the table.

"Is this one okay for you?" She asked, the tone of her voice now sickly sweet to me, after having my mind burnt with her thoughts.

I shook my head. "It's a bit cramped, have you got anything bigger?"

_What the fuck?!_

"Certainly sir, take your pick."

_Don't you DARE go and choose Annie's tables; she will drool all over you. On second thoughts, do. Then you will have a terrible evening._

I turned promptly away from the section of the restaurant I was looking at and saw a table in the far corner, set for four people. "That one would be perfect." I said, almost laughing out loud as Lady Muck had a coronary.

_This is a sick joke? How can he want to sit there? I won't be his waitress. This is a nightmare. I think I'm going to vomit. No huge tip, no sex. This is a nightmare._

Lady Muck dropped us unceremoniously at our new table.

"Filthy?" Bella asked.

My closed my eyes momentarily, ridding my mind of Lady Muck's thoughts before they corrupted any of my own thoughts of Bella. "You have no idea. But it's solved now." I smiled, taking her hand across the table.

She grinned back at me, heart hammering away happily. My smile widened. "You know, after we get married, you'll have to talk to me more; how will I know how you feel if your heart doesn't beat."

She bit her lip, smiling still, and playfully rapped me on the knuckles.

_I hate this uniform. I actually look like a boy. Stupid non-fringe that I have to pin back, making me look like I could be either. Better tell them all my stupid name so that they can cash in on their bets over what my sex is._

After I heard the thought, she was at our table, looking clearly like a girl. She smiled warmly at us.

"Hi there guys, can I get you any drinks to start with?"

_I am dying for a wee. This is ridiculous. Why do I just not go? Its not a test! Its just wee._

I bit down on the inside of my lip- laughing right now would only make her focus on my face, and I didn't want her thoughts to be corrupted.

Bella looked at me quizzically, and then up at our waitress, obviously trying to guess her thoughts.

"I'll just have a water." She smiled.

"Still, sparkling, or tap?" The waitress asked.

"Still please, a large bottle." I interjected, knowing that water was my safest bet to attempt to choke down for the charade.

"No worries, I'll bring that over right away."

She nodded her head briefly and walked away from the table. I covered my mouth and let out the lowest chuckle I could manage.

"Filth?" Bella asked, unsure if she wanted the answer.

I shook my head. "She needs a wee. And think she looks like a boy."

Bella's mouth dropped open, and she was speechless. "At least its not lecherous."

I nodded, and my fingers played idly with the ring on her left hand. The laughter was gone, replaced with bliss as the realisation that in less than 24 hours, Bella would be my wife. Every time I absorbed this thought, I was overwhelmed with pure happiness. Sitting as far away from her as I was right now, was only bearable with the knowledge that after tonight, she was part of me for eternity. It was easy to see that her thoughts followed a similar thought pattern. The easy silence was broken when our waitress returned to the table, carrying our drinks easily on a tray.

_If I were a boy, even just for a day, I'd roll out of bed in the morning, and put on what I wanted and go.._

I didn't know the song, but I recognised it, the car radio blasted it out often enough.

_But that would mean I wouldn't be wearing this god awful uniform that makes me look like a guy. Ergh._

"There you go; still water for two." Her smile looked so natural it was hard to be sure the erratic thoughts actually belonged to her. "Is it a special occasion this evening, or are you just out for the sake of it?"

And her question actually sounded genuine.

Before I could answer, Bella beat me to it. "Actually, this is our last night of freedom. We're getting married tomorrow." She was blushing, and beaming and radiating happiness.

_Oh my goodness, this is the most romantic thing I have ever seen. They have to be younger than me. Look at the way he's looking at her, like he can't believe he's got her. I cannot cry. There is no way I am crying in front of a table._

"Oh wow, congratulations, that's fantastic!" She said, smiling like _she_ was getting married tomorrow, or at least knew us intimately.

_Fuck me, look at that ring!_

She stepped closer, and looked at us in turn. "Is that the ring?" She asked, in a tone that reminded me of a child asking to see something that they knew they were only allowed to look at, and never touch.

Bella moved her hand out of mine, to show her.

"Oh my goodness, it's beautiful." She was gushing, her words and thoughts matching exactly.

I smiled. "It was my mothers."

Her hand flew to her chest. "Oh, that is so romantic."

_Thank GOD that this man exists to prove that real romance isn't dead. Curiously-Handsome Man, you have saved me from a life of cold, lonely cynicism, and therefore, spinsterhood. Well I guess I'm not a spinster, because I'm not a virgin. Cold, lonely cynicism, and therefore celibacy. But sex isn't the be all and end all. Now I just sound like a whore, like celibacy is a punishme-_

"Okay, before I am overwhelmed with goo goo wedding eyes, can I get you something to eat?"

If this waitress could serve us whenever we went out, I would go to restaurants everyday of the week. It was like a breath of fresh, eccentric air. This must be what normal people experience in a restaurant. Without access to the internal monlogue. Bella ordered quickly, and I did my obligatory shake of the head.

"I hope that's not some weird pre wedding fad diet." Our waitress chastised. "You'll be drinking a lot of champagne tomorrow."

I grinned, "No, really, I'm fine."

She sighed. "Okay, well if you need anything in the mean time, just give me a shout, my name is shhh-" She spluttered incoherently at the end of her sentence.

_What just happened?! Put your teeth back in. Re-engage brain._

The rest of her thoughts were lost in internal laughter at the fool she felt she had made of herself.

"I'm not entirely sure what just happened. It's been a long shift." She offered by way of explanation. "My name is Sarah."

Bella chuckled as Sarah walked away shaking her head and laughing quietly at herself.

_Well, the lovely couple think I'm clinically insane. You win some, you lose some. If I were a boooooy_

I wondered if the next day would be tainted at all if, when Bella was sipping champagne I couldn't get that Beyonce song out of my head…

* * *

**Most of this actually happened tonight. Ignoring the glaringly obvious (ie I did not serve Bella and Edward). Welcome to my psyche. :]**


End file.
